.sayangkah?.

sayang.
a big word.
it can give hopes and lies.

i do believe in love at the first sight.
okay.i have a story about that.
i do believe in following my instinct.
also, i have a story about that too.
i do believe in not becoming lovers with my friends.
apatah lagi perasaan kalau break up nanti.
i just cant(and i think i have a story of this too).
i dont believe in being friend with an ex-bf.
i cant imagine it.

i am a person who look back at things i've done.
to reflect myself.
to judge myself.
in becoming a better person.

i prefer a stranger who come to me and say.
"saya sayang awak.would u be my lover?"
and i will find each day more interesting.
exploring and finding new things.

than keep digging into the past.
trying to remember the memories.
the awkward moments.
the precious hours.
spend with someone i know.

scandal? mungkin special sikit dari friends.
harapan masih ada. dan instinct adalah sgt tidak dynamic..

.hati crushed.

.jangan kau bimbang sayang.
.dimana ku berada.
.dengan siapa ku bersama.
.jangan bimbang.
.ku tetap kau yang punya.

i'm sooo in luv with this song.
when da penat2 fikir assignment and thesis bila dgr lagu ni, automatically "I Can Smile" .
haha.this song macam ade power to make me happy.sound like 'jiwang'.but no.
really.everytime i heard it, any person whom i have a crush on, crossed my mind.
it's kind to make me think about the old times where crushes are important to make me attend classes.yes!i need that kind of motivation to come to school,college.what a joke.
of course la the most important thing is to learn at school(really?).tapi, ni macam aktiviti tambahan la.haha.
sanggup datang awal ke sekolah semata-mata nak tgk crushes lebih lama.aku noon session at that time.so,much time to kills while tunggu class kosong.crush aku time tu guna class yg sama.so, ade la aku 'mengdisplay' kan diri dkt2 class supaya dia nmpk.nmpk cam gatal.tapi, realitinya tidak la seteruk it sound.masih ada batas2 yg aku jaga.rasa macam stalker time tu.tapi bertahan for 4 tahun coz i've never had the courage to confront him.haha.lama gile jd secret admirer ni.i think i make a great spy or undercover.why i say so?bcoz, dlm 4 tahun tu xda sapa tau except aku yg bgtau.hehe.until la lepas SPM in 2003, i gathered all my courage to call him.he did respond.yela.bukan aku x penah ckp dgn dia pun.tapi,boleh kira dgn jari la.lepas call,ada la keep in touch for a while.tapi, i dont think its worth the four years admiring him.the aura, the vibe is not there anymore.life must go on right?but, once in a while teringat la jgk.
time dekat matix plk ada crush dgn teman sekuliah.kenal since 1st week kt sana.orientation week.minat coz he's cool.dont mind others but stil involve dlm program.setahun program tapi still macam dlu.not enough courage.enroll kat uni.1st month da jumpa crush.haha.soo mudah jatuh hati kan aku?i have a weakness over cool and weird guy.tapi,still sama jgk.tgk dari jauh and mampu jd silent stalker je la.haih.all my crushes remain crushes.berderai harapan dan angan2.what a sad story kan?semua yg aku ada crush on end up x pernah suka kat aku pun.xpela.nak buat mcm mana kan?

dan yang selalu ada crush kat aku, adalah orang yg x pernah aku sangka.friends.
kekasih hati?xpernah perasan dia pun until he told me me dia syg aku.

.a bagfull of hopes.

feminine?
apa maksud feminine?
pada aku feminine = kewanitaan.
betul kah?
mungkin.
kalau begitu,aku separa feminine la?
hmm...

my daily dress-up.
of course la bukan mcm jezmine kn.
she's cute n gorgeous.
me?
jeans, tees, flops, n sumtime converse sneakers.
of course la tudung.
wajib tu.
no model dress-up like hanis zalikha.(she doesnt look like 18 u know!).
no vintage dress.
no pointy heels.
no funky glasses.
no handbags.

handbags?
tiba2 teringin nak pakai

I need a handbag,please....
For those needs trendy and lovely handbags..
Log in to...

www.handbagplanet.com

nice...

.scandal.

lying.
easy 4 anyone to lie.

to whom it may concern.
u did lie once.
more to cheat actually.
since then u keep on lying.
u'll nvr stop,rite?

u fooled me.
i knew it.
i'm cautious.
let see how far u can go.
let see where did all the lies bring u to.
u'll nvr know how safe u were until u drop.
drop dead.

hurting people will never be a hard job..
____________________________________________________________________

flirting makes me happy.
flirting makes me hurt.
same nouns.
different situation.
different reaction.

u flirt with others.
i'm hurt.
sumone flirt with me.
i'm happy.

we'll keep going hurting others.

life cycle will keep on moving and hurting and leaving people with diverse of feeling..

.kenangan raya.

raya tahun ni byk cerita.
last-minute-plan raya dgn my-classmate-since-kindergarten-till-form5.
meet with ex-clsmate time primry skul dulu.

ada (yg jumpa) :
yg da bkn berambut hitam-kerja photographer lg.
yg dulu kurus kering da jd cam bapak org(my ex-crush u know) pun ada.
yg dulu mcm kid-spoiler tp skrg cikgu skola pun ada.
yg da bersara,tp stil maintain raut muda (ini bekas cikgu ok?).

ada (dgr khabar shj) :
yg another kid-spoiler tp skrg da kerja bank n ada kereta sndiri.
yg da bertunang-tak-mahu-beraya-without-tunang pun ada.
yg da bertunang sama umur pun ada.
yg 'lovers' yg xpernah djangka lg la ramai.
yg da beranak dua tp masih mcm ank dara (cemburu!).
yg nk bertunang hari raya ke-3 (ini crush dulu2.isk2.hiba rasa hati)pun ada.

hati sakit kerna kekasih hati.menghibur diri sndri dgn kisah2 crush dulu.

.frozen.

11.21 a.m.sejuk.PSZ UTM.
.
.
.
.
.
td ade idea nk tulis ape.tibe2 grey cell jd frozen.
xpela.tunggu lps cuti.
.
.
.
.
~~~~~~~~SELAMAT HARI RAYA~~~~~~~~~~~

.never ending worries.

susah kan bila ada problem yg x blh selesai2?
bila delay,makin x blh selesai.
haih.
ape nk jd?
mslh makin byk.
masa mcm x ckup2.
kdg2 bnda kecik pun jd besar.

bila nk lari dr mslh.
one tends to find some comfort.
x kesah la.
shopping-for woman mostly.
sleeping,smoking-for the opposite sex.
i would need sum attention when i hv probs.
not that kind of attntion like throwing tantrums at peoples around me.
well.
mybe sumtimes.
what i need is juz a simple msg.
that can soothe me.
words that can make my worries stay away 4 a while.
duh.
it is highly-possible-occured-event.
that i receive nothing but silent.
and i end up worrying much more.
it is sooo not okay.
hate that moment.

n i asked myself.
why long-distance-relationship is hard to retain?
is there any way i can keep it safe?
is that enough with juz trust?
these keep rolling-spinning in my grey cell.
like i dont hv anything else to think about.
the more i think.
the more the heart bleeds.


saya sayang kamu.
dan saya rasa kamu juga begitu.
adakah pemahaman kamu x cukup untuk dtafsirkan secara zahir?
secara zahir yg saya boleh fahami?

.masa dan works.

problems.
kesinambungan entri yg lepas.
akhir2 ni too much works.
damn busy.
tapi.
masih ada masa baca blog orang lain.
masih ada masa layan FS.
tidak.
thesis menggamit.
rangka kerja da ada.
final method da hampir pasti.
apa lagi yang tiada?
semangat?
ya!
semangat yang hilang.
ah!
alasan.
karna malas.
semangat dijadi kambing hitam.
workloads.
workforce?

i need my dose of love.
masa dan jarak memisahkan kita.
jiwang.

satu isu lagi.
hatred.
kenapa dendam x pernah pudar?
adakah dosaku terlalu byk?
ampuni aku YA ALLAH.
rakanku.
sayang padamu belum lagi hadir dalam jiwa ini.
maafkanku.
insiden dulu masih berbekas pedihnya.
peristiwa baru sering kau zahirkan.
yang tak pernah kurang sinis mu.

aku juga manusia biasa.
kerna itu aku ada rasa sayang dan hatred.

.rainy down.

rainy day.

mood down.

se'down'nye hujan.

why?

pedih kan bila rasa x dipeduli?

hidup with no friends is suck.

xpela.

what?

no!

enuf with xpela.

dat's why u left alone.

.raindrops.

.big eyes.

see miut-miut?

kiut kan?

awal pg.

xdela awal pun.

pukul 10.

hihi.

skipped class(at 8).

class till 1.

go n see lecturer 4 signature.

looking 4 other lecturer.

couldn't find him.

called him.

not answered.

try tomorrow.

1.30p.m.
went to lab.

finish some lab work.

bingung.

nasib baik ada step.

kalau tak.

lg lama bertapa kat lab.

tiba-tiba..

hujan menitik.

tapi lebat.

ughhh..

kebekuan dalam lab.

nasib baik kerja siap.

tamat.

saya merapu.